Newest spell for less pale teeth? Illuminus Kosmetikos.

I consume chai like a monster. I’ve been called a lot of names and have been tagged in almost every chai related meme under the sun. If I got dus rupay every time I heard a desi chai myth related to health and rangat, I would have achay khaasay paisay to buy a tea plantation in Sri Lanka.

I don’t know what chai is doing to my insides but I am aware that it takes a toll on my teeth. So I didn’t know whether to laugh out of glee or feel embarrassed when a company that makes teeth whitening strips recognized my tea love and approached me.

My humble and humungous mugga of chai. And of course, we meet more than once a day. Mugga from Muggay btw.

I was a teeny tiny bit skeptical at first.

I’ve had almost a decade of rough dental adventures when I was in school. Retainers? Headgear? Random rubber-band web to pull teeth together? You name it, I probably went through it. So for me, something this quick and easy seemed gimmicky. I mean I am used to dentists hammering and chiseling my teeth into place, so something that was completely free of pain didn’t make sense.

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Simple. Quick. To the point.

But it works.

No other way to say it. No reason to delay the verdict. It simply does. *sips chai* And while we are at it, it’s FDA approved. *sips chai again*

There are fourteen strips in the box, a shade card to document the process, and lots of instructions. In case you missed them on the packaging there’s a tiny leaflet with added FAQs.

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Like I said. Simple and to the point.
  1. You peel open the protective sheath.
  2. Run your tongue along your teeth before you pop on the strip onto your teeth.
  3. Chill for 15 min.
  4. Repeat for 7 days.

I either watched an episode of Modern Family or declutter videos on Youtube to kill the time. It’s a little awkward on the first day but then time disappears, and before you know it it’s time to rinse and brush your teeth.

I’ll be honest I had a hard time reading the shade card because the shades seemed too similar to me. I’ll insert unedited pictures of me grinning like an idiot so you can decide the before and after for yourself . I’d wager I was a 9. And yup, definitely less yellow and cleaner after a week.

Day 1. Unedited before. Told you I’d be grinning like an idiot.
Day 7. Unedited after. Also, last day at work! *happy dance*

I totally, totally understand that the sun might be washing out the before yellowness or maybe the selfie camera is auto-fixing it (I’ve those beauty settings on Zero though). But you can definitely see the difference in person; not a placebo or wishful thinking. It’s great for people who either want to maintain the whiteness of their teeth or aren’t looking for more than a two or three-shade jump.

Illuminus Kosmetikos is the superhero for super busy people. Maybe you’re distracted by house chores and children; maybe you’re doing two jobs. Maybe you have a desk job, six days a week. Maybe you’re the bride’s sister running around, making sure her highness has not a thing to worry about. These will come in handy.

A box of 14 strips of Illuminus Komestikos costs Rs. 3500. It’s a USA based product that was launched earlier this year I believe.  You can easily order it on their website here:

Edit: If buying online isnt your cup of tea, it’s available in the following stores in Karachi: Time Medico, Agha’s, Ami’s, Nadia Hussain Salon and Spa.

You can check out their Facebook page for more reviews and dil ki tassalli here:
Hope this was helpful! Gonna go make myself chai now.


4 Replies to “Newest spell for less pale teeth? Illuminus Kosmetikos.”

  1. Been away for a while but feels great to read your highly energizing and fascinating stories. You have so much potential to be a renown author. I think it’s time you started writing your own novel.
    Name it ‘Stories about stories.’

    Liked by 1 person

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